July 31, 2012

Grace


Today, I wanted to do a little commentary on a movie I saw over the weekend.  Amish Grace is a moving testimonial of the Amish school shooting that happened near home a few years ago.  The movie represents the omnipresent faith and forgiveness these individuals posses, yet shows the human side of them as well.  As I watched the movie, I pondered my own faith and the ability to forgive, and like everyone, sometimes I fall short of this act.  I came to the realization that the mere thought of forgiveness is a way to cleanse the mind, but allows errors and us to be human.  What a revelation!

July 28, 2012

Growing Old


     Here is a short story I wrote a few years ago.  Again, it tells of a life experience I had.  It gives words to the meaning of life.  Read and enjoy!

           
            Ever since the Spring semester, I struggled with the pace of my life, particularly the rate that I was going in receiving college credits.  It seemed like it would be an eternity until I would be done with college and be a “success”, I thought.  The months of my summer vacation seemed to drag.  “I could be doing something about it, instead of doing absolutely nothing for three whole months,” I quibbled.
            One hot early July morning, Sal, who had been my step dad’s best friend, called my mom and asked if I wanted a vat of his homemade, very Italian spaghetti sauce, or “sorce”, as he called it.  I love his accent!  This had been a tradition ever since we had known Sal.  My heart soared because I love absolutely love his spaghetti sauce!  “I’ll bring all the makings.” he said on the phone.  “I’ll be there in a half hour, an hour, tops!” 
An hour later, Sal came tottering up the sidewalk, both hands full of plastic grocery bags.  As he came in the front door, he called out, “Okay, let’s get this party started!”
                   I instantly noticed how Sal had aged.  Lines were there on his face that weren’t there before and there was slowness in his walk.  He moved around in the kitchen with slow persistence. 
                   “Oh damn”, he suddenly said, “I forgot the oregano.  I always forget something anymore!”
                   My Mom piped up, “I’ll get it, Sal.  I need to go to the store anyway.”  She scurried out the door.  His irritation seemed to vanish instantly as he plopped on a kitchen chair.  He patted my knee and asked, “So how’s it going, Hope?”  His face showed genuine interest. 
                   “Okay, Sal,” I said, “still working on my degree.  Unfortunately, I have a way to go yet.  It drives me crazy—all of my friends graduated and have jobs and are out in the world making a living while I’m taking two classes a semester!”  I shook my head in disgust.
                   “Hope, you just saw what happened here.  I forgot the oregano.  No big deal.  People get so caught up in what they haven’t done.  Yes, I got upset about the oregano, but what is the use in getting all distressed about it,” he said, “and you are so very young.  Don’t be in such a hurry and get in a web of worries because maybe you will never get out of them.   You’ll turn old before you know it.  Enjoy life while you can. Be forever present in the moment and that will bring the greatest joy to your life”.
                   I looked at this man—this man who had lived for eighty odd years, been through wars, watched his beloved wife die from cancer, was forced to move out of his house because he was “too old” and was subject to his daughter-in-law’s every whim.  “He’s still happy,” I thought, “happy to just be”. 
                   Suddenly, I realized that Sal had a message for me.  I looked at this man with new eyes and a new heart, for he had reminded me of an invaluable lesson that day.  I repeated his words in my mind.  “Enjoy life while you can and be forever present in the moment and that will bring the greatest joy to your life”.  I silently thanked Sal for these words of wisdom as we sat down to a fabulous spaghetti meal.

July 24, 2012

A New Era


In my travels today, I found a very uplifting article about a girl with Down syndrome who is a swimwear model for a major designer’s campaign.  For me, it’s the sign of changing times; and it will usher in a new era.  It gladdens my heart this is taking place!  As I said before, I grew up with the underlying stigma of being “different” and somewhat of a novelty in school.  It is a great boost, not only to the disabled world, but also to the community at large to have special needs clients for this effort.  Change is afoot, and I can’t wait to see what comes next!

July 22, 2012

The Mennonite Way


Yesterday, I encountered a truly amazing experience.  I had the opportunity to visit with both of my friend Alta’s grandmothers.  It was a perfect afternoon for a ride and and I leapt to get a glimpse of this different and fascinating world.  All the way in the car, I anticipated what conversations we would have; whether I’d be confortable or not.  I already met the one grandmother, but hadn’t the other.

While I visited with one grandmother, then the other, it struck me how our minds conjure misconceptions without even our knowledge.  As long as I remember, I have vigorously fought people’s perceptions of me and tried to display my true nature.  Yesterday, I realized I was guilty of the transgression of labeling individuals.  To my pleasure, I found myself completely comfortable with both grandmothers, even enjoying myself.  Ultimately, they accepted me and I them.  What a refreshing concept!  The world, I think, would be a better place if we followed the Mennonite way, with total acceptance of others.  Maybe someday, that will become our inherant nature.  

July 20, 2012

Ultimate Realization

I am still going through my old writing, and I found another piece I'd like to share.  Again, it tells how a realization can push your thoughts into a totally different direction.  This week, I feel nostalgic.  I admit, below may be considered amateur, but it is an anecdote about one of my life's discoveries.  Enjoy!

The day was clear and sunny.  Although the July sun beat down heavily, there was a slight breeze swaying the trees as I made my way through the myriad of white headstones lining the ground in perfect, neat rows.  I had always looked upon the grave sites as a collective whole, not as individual graves. 
This particular day was different, though—an epiphany of sorts!  I glanced at the dates on one particular head stone; it read: “Mary Caldwell—1848-1874—a brief glimmer of sunlight through the trees”.   All of a sudden, my attention seemed out of my control, riveted to soaking in the meaning of the inscription.  This person was the same age as I am now when she passed away.  That seemed so young, with so many promises yet to fulfill—like me.  Yet somehow, it was obvious, she had impacted individuals and brought joy into their lives—so much so that they felt compelled to engrave that epitaph on her gravestone.  I tried to picture her in my mind.  What color were her eyes and hair?  How tall was she?  How did she spend her days?  How did she die?  I had so many questions bouncing around in my head, I felt almost dizzy. 
Then, conversations I had had with family and friends during the past months began taking the place of the circling questions.  In those conversations, I had scrutinized and battered myself over how long it was going to take me to graduate from college and become employed.  I had complained about how the years were getting away from me; how I was afraid I was going to die without getting anything of note accomplished during my lifetime; how I “hadn’t made my mark on the world”.
Now came this moment of realization, looking at this gravestone.  A new awareness started to overtake me.  In my mind, I repeated the words on the marker—“a brief glimmer of sunlight through the trees”.  “That can surely be me,” I thought.
I had started to understand that it is not through your accomplishments or fame that individuals will remember you.  Instead, it is through the kindness you show to those around you—how you work to uplift the spirit of others.  “If I can be that brief, but ever-present ‘sunlight through the trees’,” I thought, “maybe my life, too, will be worth remembering.” 

July 19, 2012

Hemmingway and Me


Below is a part of an essay I wrote a few years ago for a writing class.  Although it’s been in my archives for years, I think it signifies life’s journey: not only for me, but also for all.  Enjoy!

                                                                                                                      July 19, 2008
Dear Diary,

        Today is a day I think I will remember for the rest of my life.  Imagine me—a published poet!  It’s a great milestone for my 27th year.  It’s hard to believe my thoughts and emotions are packaged with those of other poets in a book for the entire world to seeIt’s hard to wrap my mind around the magnitude of it all—and to think the poem was borne out of my spirit’s despair!
        I vividly recall how the poem first took seed in my mind.  About a month or two ago, I was feeling really low about my life, and about how it seemed I had made little progress.  The pace of my journey seemed so slow.  I pondered my fate as a writer, a college student, and as a human being in general.  “Where will this journey ultimately end up,” I asked myself.  I wondered if my trials and hard work would count for nothing and lead nowhere.
        Then, I began to remind myself of how very far I had come, just in the past two years.  Why was I in such of a hurry trying to accomplish my goals in such a short period of time?  I still have time. I have the rest of my life!
        Right now, the last stanza of my newly published poem echoes in my mind:
Hemmingway failed in
Life’s adventure.

Not Me.

Never me.

It was another awakening—just the beginning.  This summer has added another layer to my spirit.   I guess I’m ready and eager for life’s next adventure—no matter what it may hold and where it leads.

July 17, 2012

Beach Trip


Sometimes, we need to remember the gifts that are bestowed upon us every single day.  Last week was a reminder to me although untoward events occur; there is always a positive aspect to every situation and to treasure those gifts.

I absolutely love the beach, but we haven’t gone as much this summer as we have in the past.  The opportunity arose for me to go with my friend, Alta, and two of her Mennonite buddies.  As the day approached, my heart swelled.  I was ready to burst by the time the day arrived.  The van was packed and loaded, and after saying goodbye to Mom, Alta and I were on our way.  Halfway through our trip, we heard a loud boom…we discovered one of the tires went flat!  We sat and waited for two hours, and we were on our way again, minus the flat tire…Crisis averted.  Hooray!

After spending three fun-filled days at the beach, it was time to go home.  I was a little sad to go, but ready to see my Mom.  The old adage applied; it’s good to be away, but even better to go home!  As Alta and I made our way to Pennsylvania, I noticed an odd smell coming from the van.  The smell became stronger, and Alta managed to pull into a garage.  After waiting two hours, my Mom finally made it to to Delaware and rescued us.  Needless to say, Alta and I were both ready to spit nails!

Looking back on our trip, though, I realized as much as we had our trials, we were also blessed: Blessed that we had a wonderful time while at the beach.  I swear I never laughed so hard in my life!  The time at the beach signified to me that whatever obstacles come into our path, there is always a way to overcome them, even if that means a little sweat and dirt along the way!

July 6, 2012

World CP Day


World CP Day is two months away, but today, my brain worked overtime and I came up with twenty-five items that would better my life greatly.  If you have any ideas to add to the list, please post.  Have a good weekend.

1.     Ability to text—telephone—eye scan
2.     Joystick or eye controlled ipod
3.     Eye scanning keyboard
4.     Eye scanning mouse
5.     Absorbing designer clothing
6.     Mini toe keyboard pointer
7.     Eye scanning computer screen
8.     Eye activated VCR \ DVD player
9.     Toe activated VCR\DVD player
10.  TV touch screen remote (separate from actual TV)
11.  Eye activated lights (on and off)
12.  Eye \ toe activated window blinds (up and down)
13.  Eye \ toe activated radio
14.  Eye \ toe activated CD player
15.  Eye activated keyboard
16.  Powered wheelchair to go on the beach
17.  Eye / toe activated beach umbrella
18.  Eye \ toe activated sun screen dispenser
19.  Eye \ toe activated temperature guage for shower
20.  Eye \ toe activated stair lift chair
21.  Automatic shampoo dispenser
22.  Automatic shower head (one that moves by eye or foot)
23.  Automatic night light (one that moves by eye or foot)
24.  Eye volume activated speakers for the computer
25.  Automatic printer page sorter (one that moves by eye or foot)

July 5, 2012

Happy July 4th


Today, I considered the significance of Independence Day for me, personally.  As I pondered, I thought about the treatment toward those who were physically or mentally challenged in history throughout the world, particularly, in the United States.  It amazes me that our country has evolved concerning the disabled community, even in my short life.  I’m aware America has many imperfections; but we do live in a country where there is always room to change and improve.  This is not only viable for individuals with a disability, but to everyone who wants to leave a lasting impact on our society.  It’s been over two hundred years and America remains the champion of equal opportunities and cherishes its citizens’ ability to utilize the skills and talents they possess, and rise accordingly.  Astonishing!  Happy July 4th everyone! 

July 2, 2012

The Ghost of Amherst


Today, I decided to post another poem.  Although The Ghost of Amherst appeared in the summer \ fall edition of UCP’s Life Without Limits, I like the poem so much that I decided to post it.  For those who have already read it, I apologize.  As I said before, I feel affinity towards Emily Dickinson because her mind was a whirl with thoughts and words: such as mine.  The old poem reminds me if we are not careful, we all create mental prisons for ourselves; ones in which we cannot break free.  Without further ado, here’s the Ghost of Amherst.

The Ghost of Amherst

The ghost of Amherst she will always be—
Who walks the shores and swims the seas.

There is a ghost of Amherst, you know.
When all is dark and only moonlight glows—
She prowls her haunts and wishes she could be free,
But a slave to destiny she always will be—
For the universe ignores her plea.

The ghost of Amherst she will always be—
Who walks the shores and swims the seas.

She wrings her hands in despair,
Knowing death is always there—
An invisible prison that
Deprives her of the life she once knew.

The ghost of Amherst she will always be—
Who walks the shores and swims the seas.

Her white dress flows and casts a shadow
across the land she once loved—only a
Faint memory to her now.
She pledges a solemn vow to break her unending
Chain of unhappiness.

The ghost of Amherst she will always be—
Who walks the shores and swims the seas.

She visits the grave she knows so well,
where she reads her own name

And grieves eternally.

The ghost of Amherst she will always be—
Who walks the shores and swims the seas.

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